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"If you can't laugh at lawyers, who can you laugh at?" (Mel S. Martin, J.D.)

``Don't dare hire an attorney before you read this valuable book. It covers numerous aspects, including ways of testing a lawyer, and is able to combine humor with sensible guidelines." (Sid Ascher, The Current, December 27, 1996)

Cover Price $9.95 
Direct from the Publisher and Receive a 40% Discount.  Your Price $5.95


From the Glossary:

Lawyer: A professional person who couldn't get into medical school.

Tort: A wrong that consists of a breach of duty rather than a breach of contract; also a  French pastry.

Retainer: Something worn by the attorney's kids to keep their teeth straight.

Stay: When a judge wants to suspend action, he orders a stay; a command given to pets and teenagers to accelerate action.

Many more


Give a Book of Humor and Advice to Friends and Colleagues


Contact the publisher or the author  with questions or comments at WittyBooks@mhmc. net



How To OrderHow To Hire An Honest Lawyer ... and Other Oxymorons

by Mel S. Martin J.D.

If you can't laugh at lawyers who can you laugh at?  Doctors and dentists get embarrassed and have the power to hurt you.  Accountants have no sense of humor and can play havoc with your taxes.  Everything funny about politicians is actually true!  No, it's safer to bash lawyers.  While you may need one to save your hide someday, you can always hire another attorney to stiff the first one out of his or her fee.

How to Hire an Honest Lawyer . . . and Other Oxymorons is attorney Mel Martin's definitive and hilarious guide for when you do have to hire a lawyer. Here you will discover:

  • How to choose an attorney by his appearance (Get the rumpled one)
  • What paralegal really do (get donuts and move furniture)
  • Why you never spit on the legal secretary's ficus (she's tougher than you)
  • Easy steps to make your attorney drop you before you have to pay (harass him, it's legal)
  • The correct way to interpret an attorney's bill (don't pay it)
  • How to make sure attorneys pay for their own lunch (eat at different restaurants)

If you have ever dealt with a lawyer, been involved in a legal matter, or just want a genuinely funny book to read, this is the one for you.  Pick it up and start laughing.



"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." So says Dick in Shakespeare's Henry VI, Part II, as he and Cade daydream of making a perfect kingdom. Even as early as 1590 lawyer bashing was a common pastime.

Attorney Mel Martin has raised lawyer defamation to a fine art in How to Hire an Honest Lawyer ... and Other Oxymorons. This is a genuinely funny book.

Martin has succeeded in providing a primer filled with tongue-in-cheek humor and wry observations about the law, the people who practice it, and those who need legal services. How to Hire an Honest Lawyer provides plenty of material for the novice basher to use when he or she feels out of place at the next cocktail or dinner party. After all, when everyone else is trading horror stories about divorce, bankruptcy, and the schemes of the attorneys hired to save their collective hides, a hapless non-litigant needs to hold up one end of the conversation.

But How to Hire an Honest Lawyer... and other Oxymorons is not a simple joke book. Throughout every chapter Martin gives judicious advice. Among his quips and razor-wit descriptions of attorneys, paralegals and legal secretaries, are cogent suggestions for evaluating lawyers, determining the seriousness of cases, and coping with the long process of litigation. The author may take great pleasure in poking fun at the whole judicial system, but he clearly respects the law. Readers will gain important insights and perspectives while laughing  through this hilarious guide to the vagaries of choosing the elusive "honest attorney."



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